Sorrows do not last forever when we are journeying towards the thing we have always wanted.
You are following the path you dreamt of.
So hang on a while and smile.
Because not everybody is as lucky as you are.

Meant to be...Free!

Are my words a waste?
Or are they just another way to escape?
What is it that I try to find?
Why are my actions so confined?
Endless cups of coffee
And que of iced tea glasses
My ears are usually plugged in with loud music. A volume so high that I can feel the beats in my heart.
Volume high enough to deafen my inner voice.
And I listen to music…seems like noise although.

After a long time today, I felt the intensity of my thoughts and the depth of my words.
Sitting in a coffee shop, sipping my coffee; out of nowhere, my eyes brimmed.
I could feel the emotions stuck in my throat.
My unpredictability amazed me.
I stared at the pages I just wrote, every word written was felt inside. Too deep perhaps.

Suddenly it was dark and sad inside
I could see nothing with open eyes
Perhaps it was time to realize
That there was an empty chair in front of me
And this was how I chose to be
Giving you up was never easy
When together we were meant to be
But you were an addiction
And I wanted to be free.

If I would have you right now,I would stare at you for hours & tell you things nobody ever told you.

But, I don't.

So let me hold my hand, just like you did & close my eyes.

And I am here with you, floating...going far.
Just a bit way too far...too far to realise to come back.

Maybe just too far to even be called back.

If it could, I would.

I wish you would talk
Or stop me going my way
Taking the blame
I start the game
I want to keep it going
I behave so insane
I see you standing and staring
Accepting things I am saying
I am so clear headed
I am so strong
But this time
I want you to prove me wrong
Are we done
Done with the game?
So let’s come together
And start all over again

Incomplete

Sometimes it feels
there isnt a me
I look at the mirror
but nothing I can see

The light gets through
as if I am not there
& I dont feel
myself just so bare

I speak to myself
But the me doesnt reply
The voices escape
The self just doesnt comply

Am I still breathing?
or right at the door?
Is it the sky?
Or an invisible floor?

Is it that tunnel
which leads to the other side?
Or is it just me
Who has just died?

(Wrote this at 4-5 am, cant get enough thoughts now to complete it :-| )

To Be OR not To Be.

On 29th June 2008, Delhi held its first ever gay pride march, along with similar gatherings in Bangalore and Kolkata.
On 23rd July 2008, Mumbai high court judge Bikal Nazki said that India’s unnatural sex law should be reviewed.
Recently, Indian health minister Anbumani Ramdoss expressed his support for legalising homosexuality.

Homosexuality in India is generally considered a taboo subject by both Indian society and government. Public discussion of homosexuality in India has been inhibited by the fact that sexuality in any form is rarely discussed openly. But depictions and homosexuality in the Indian news media and by Bollywood, however shows the slight shift in India’s attitude towards the much hushed topic.

Homosexual relations are legally still a crime in India under an old British era statute dating from 1860 called section 377 of the Indian Penal Code which criminalizes “carnal intercourse against the order of the nature.”
There is no legal recognition of the same sex couple under Indian law.

During a recent visit to India by the Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin, the Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh was asked by a journalist what he thought of the new law allowing gay marriage in Canada. His reply was that, ‘there would not be much appreciation for a law like this in India.”
And he went on to talk about how they were culturally very different countries.

Section 377 still remains a debatable issue in India. It would be however, interesting to know that none of the major political parties have endorsed gay rights concern into their official party manifesto. The law continues to be on the books. It is used by some to threaten and blackmail homosexuals. It is also used by police when registering complaints lodged by the parents of the parties involved.
For instance, a lesbian couple that ran away together in Uttar Pradesh were arrested and handed back, despite of both being of legal age by applying this section as the legal basis of their arrest.

India, the largest democracy in the world might have one of the most impressive constitutions, but for a section of its citizens, the right to freedom of speech and expression is denied.

Because I am

My silence is not acceptance, it is a rebellion.
My rebellion against you.

I don't like to waste my time, effort, or breath for the most part, so I will keep to myself as I sit there smiling inside at your flawed arguments.
What you mistake for awe, and admiration, is really just my intentional lack of expression that I offer you as my argument against your ignorance, and hypocrisy.You want a perfect world in your ideal: a non-original reach towards your unimaginative & dull dream.

I am an empath.
I consider it a gift, and a flaw.

I am a realistic idealist.
I believe that dreams are important in life.
Without dreams, life would be a stagnant memory, an endless déjà vu.
I believe in accomplishing my dreams one way or another.
And I will.

The blue angel

Bakhuda tum hi ho,
har jagah tum hi ho
Haan main dekhun jahan jab
Us jagah tum hi ho,
tum hi ho..
Tum hi ho mujh mein haan,
tum hi ho
Tum hi ho

Never have I been struck by any song the way this one did. Despite having any emotional attachment to this song, something clicked.

It didn't happen when I saw the movie or heard it on radio or on any of those hit-songs-lists shows.

But, when He sang, I was mesmerized.

It was one friends+coffee evening at Cafe Coffee Day,Lounge;Hauz Khas.

The evening was beautiful except the fact that I had my final exam the next day. We sat there cribbing about the temporary shut smoking zone. Sipping the Cold Chocolate and digging into the cheese grilled sandwich I was listening to Ell as she talked about random things hitting her life which was now minus any boyfriends while the live band performed singing Backstreet boys & Westlife as the love stuck couples found meaning in there music.

The conversation had taken a rather interesting turn as Ell started giving her priceless advice about life.

And then, it happened.

A voice that went straight within and stirred me inside. It reflected truthfulness. Purity. Affection. Love.

It forced me to turn. Attracting like a magnet.

I looked at Him.

He stood there bathed in dim neon blue light. The sparkling white shirt reflected a blue aura around.

Shut eyelids. Relaxed lips. Strained vocal chords. Panting breaths. Yet a face so calm.

The tap of His feet got me off my train of thoughts.

And then he began.

Caught me in his spiral voice. Round and round I went. Suddenly the walls merged perfectly into the starry back sky. With one neon blue star calling me.

And I followed.

Into the hazy fog, above the deep oceans, twirling with the winds, flying above the green grass, catching the rain drops, floating amidst the diamond studded black sky.

I followed.

Someone caught my hand mid way. A touch so familiar, felt like my second skin.

And he pulled me towards him.

He pulled me out of the hazy fog and against the winds. The neon blue star started shrinking.

I could feel my second skin getting closer. Like almost on me.

It was You baby.

I saw Your hands tangled with mine.

And as You held me firmly, Your gaze fitted mine.

Were where You baby all this while?

Why did You vanish on that extra mile?

A million questions my mind had, but my lips just quivered. I circled round in your arms and You hugged me tight. Everything went right.

Suddenly you let me go.

The grey in your eyes changed to black. Your outlines faded into the sky. You were there but the sky started falling, increasing the distance between us.

And I smashed my arms into the fog, like swords.

The dark sky caught me and I was lost.

Spiraling downwards. Deprived.

Suddenly the walls sprung back. Not even a hint of the sky. Concrete as they were with all the tables and couches in places.

The neon blue light dissappeared and the voice seemed irritating.

Something cold struck my hands, Oh! my coffee glass.

And as I brought it closer to sip, a strange smell caught me.

What was it? Why was it all over me? Where did it come from?

So familiar, my second skin.

0_O

Sleep-

the interlude between life and death
Sleep-
the longing of a dream...
My meeting with myself
And also, with those long gone...
Sleep-
the mirror of my being
Sleep-
the stranger in disguise...
The gossip of my body-
Heart with the soul, mind with the unknown;
Sleep-
the time I am reborn.

wondering..

Between these days
In many ways
I break myself for you

Between these lies
Inside these eyes
I hide myself from you

Another smile
Fake beyond its belief
Why does it matter

When all I do is
Lie to you.

Colours,

I can paint the rest of my life with.

FACING GREY

Caught in blacks and whites,

Extreme expectations rule life.

Questions arise when caught midway

Ignorance rejected...

Every domain they want you to reach one end,

Paint them black or paint them white

Look around and you'll see all of them in black and white.

They want you to be like them

For them change is a problem

Questioning questions hits them hard

You dare stand out...and...

And get biten to within an inch of life

They can't stand my Grey rhapsody

I see myself no where in this bi polar structure

To roll over this zebra

Crossing ain't easy.

Why should I answer the way they want

Why should Iseek for their accepctance

Why should I name every relationship

Why can't they understand,

Somethings in life are GREY.

LILY BISHNOI

21 MAY 2009